Jewel was once homeless and suffered from debilitating mental health issues before turning her life around and becoming a successful singer and songwriter.
While chatting on “No Magic Pill” podcast.
Her father became “physically abusive” when they moved back to his hometown, where Jewel’s “whole world really turned upside down.”
“I made a promise really young not to do drugs or drink,” she said. “Again, I think just because I had such an extreme front row seat to see what it was doing. It didn’t look glamorous, you know, it didn’t look sexy.
“And a deep, deep part of me knew I was terrified of it.”
At 15, Jewel lived on her own, and a few years later she moved to San Diego to care for her sick mother. Paychecks fell through and bills mounted when she decided to live in her car while she her mother went back to Alaska.
At first Jewel tried to be optimistic about the situation, but her mental health began to suffer.
“My panic attacks got worse. My agoraphobia got worse,” she said. “I didn’t have food. I didn’t have water. I didn’t have … anything. I didn’t have gas for the car.”
Jewel remembered her lowest point when she began shoplifting.
“I started stealing food and stealing like herbs and stuff to try and … I had bad kidneys,” she said. “And then it just evolved into stealing things that weren’t food and things that I didn’t need.”
Host Blake Mycoskie noted a point in the singer’s memoir, “Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half the Story,” where she described looking in the mirror at a stripped-down version of herself and realizing that stealing was about the fear that she would never be enough.
“I think, you know, stealing for me really became a real addiction,” she said. “It was compulsive. I couldn’t control it.”
While standing in a dressing room trying to tuck a stolen dress into her pants, Jewel was struck by a difficult epiphany.
“I saw my reflection in the mirror and… I was a statistician” she said. “I’m a homeless kid who shoplifts, and I’m going to jail or die if this keeps up.”
The musician leaned on a quote she remembered: “Happiness doesn’t depend on who you are or what you have. It depends on what you think.”
From there, Jewel felt empowered to change her mind and change her ways to fully heal from her past. One unconventional step she took: writing down everything she did with her hands over a two-week period.
“I haven’t had a panic attack in two weeks,” she realized. “What I stumbled upon was being radically present. Writing about my hands all day … I literally saw my hands opening a door. I didn’t see my hands shaking a hand or whatever.
“I saw my hand stealing. I was so radically present that … I forgot to worry about a future that hadn’t happened yet. It was so liberating.”
She added: “I realized that fear is a thief and it robs you of the only opportunity you have to change your life.”
