It’s easy to judge people who struggle with their confidence, but showing a little compassion can go a long way. When someone sees themselves in such a negative light, it affects the way they move through life. Unfortunately, a person suffering from low self-esteem can develop bad habits over time, often without realizing it.
Instead of receiving the grace and understanding they need, they inadvertently sabotage their own well-being. Unlearning unhealthy and toxic behaviors takes time, but because these destructive habits have become the norm, it is difficult for them to break free.
If someone has low self-esteem, they will develop habits without realizing it
1. Constant self-deprecation
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Dealing with low self-esteem makes people doubt that they are good enough, so it’s no surprise that they put themselves down with self-deprecation. Although it may seem obvious to others, a person suffering from a lack of self-confidence is not even aware of how they talk about themselves.
These individuals do not realize how powerful words really are. But like psychology professor Jeffrey S. Nevid explained: “We think in words, and the words we utter can have psychological consequences, especially words we put on ourselves.” So it is crucial to monitor how we talk about ourselves.
2. Overcomplaining about everything
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When a person apologizes too much for their actions, they are not trying to pick on me or get attention. Although it may seem desperate, those with low self-esteem develop this habit because they are afraid of being abandoned. Blame it on trauma and past experiences, but they try their best to keep their small circle of support together.
They do everything in their power to make things right, and as admirable as it may be to take responsibility, it is harmful to apologize too much. Saying “I’m sorry” can lose its power when someone says it too often, making others perceive you as annoying, lose respect for you too.
3. Never accept compliments
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People with low self-esteem spend most of their lives feeling invisible, so being praised can feel like a shock to the system. Whether it’s their boss telling them they did a good job or their partner expressing how beautiful they are, they feel overwhelmed when they are made the center of attention.
As a result, they cannot accept compliments from anyone, no matter how sincere someone is. Psychotherapist Myron Nelson explained: “There are probably too many reasons to list why you have difficulty accepting compliments: low self-esteem, trauma, depression, lack of compliments in your childhood, too many compliments in your childhood.”
4. Pushing their boundaries for others
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People set boundaries to let others know what they will and won’t accept, but someone who seriously lacks self-esteem will push their boundaries aside to make others happy. While making those around you feel valued is a beautiful thing, it can be emotionally draining.
There is nothing wrong with wanting someone to be satisfied, but people with low self-esteem do so because they are afraid of being abandoned or rejected. They hate the thought of being alone and push their needs aside to make sure no one ever has a reason to leave them.
5. Overthinking social interactions
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No one thinks about the social interactions they have in their daily lives. From bumping into people at the grocery store to interacting with co-workers, we only think twice when doing something that’s embarrassing or weird. But those who lack self-confidence constantly reflect on their actions.
Fear of accidentally hurting or offending others, overthinking social interactions comes with a ton of anxiety. Anxiety is strongly associated with low self-esteemso it makes complete sense that rumination and overthinking are bad habits that these individuals develop unconsciously.
6. Rejecting good opportunities because they don’t feel worthy enough
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Those with low self-esteem tend to be the most effective people. Hyper-aware of their behavior and how they come across to others, they often get many good opportunities. From promotions to priceless experiences, it’s unfortunate that they have a habit of turning away these leads.
Feeling second nature to them, they reject others, not because they’re trying to be cruel, but because they don’t believe they can live up to other people’s expectations. Always doubting themselves and the value they bring, their inability to move forward only makes their insecurities worse.
7. Constantly seeking external validation
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Dealing with low self-esteem is a constant struggle. Without the power or ability to validate themselves, they seek the approval of others. Whether it’s demanding comfort or asking a lot of questions, the need for acceptance rules their lives.
It’s not conscious, it’s just a way they deal with their insecurities. Feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to put it, they make it everyone else’s problem. And while it is not their fault that they have developed this bad habit, it is important to find a way to control it.
Seam psychotherapist Sherry Gaba revealed, along with validation on social media, looking for that same feeling in person “can create anxiety, depression and low self-esteem and make it (compulsive) to hear praise, acceptance and recognition in all aspects of life.”
8. Downplaying their achievements to make others feel good
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Although it may feel like no one understands them, the people around us deal with their own fair share of insecurity issues. They may find themselves unreasonably jealous or intimidated by their own achievements, and they try their best to push through by making others feel good.
They uplift everyone around them, but downplay their achievements in the process. Whether it’s making jokes at their own expense or not mentioning their accomplishments, they just want others to feel okay. Even if it is unhealthy, as long as they can keep their loved ones by their side, they are willing to destroy what little self-confidence they have left.
9. Staying in unhealthy relationships for too long
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People who struggle with super low self-esteem tend to treat themselves poorly, including staying in relationships way past their expiration date. Because they cannot see their own worth, they will not leave toxic partners or situations. Already used to the abuse from themselves, they become because it is just normal.
According to Megan McCarthy, lead author of research published by the University of Waterloo, “There is a perception that people with low self-esteem tend to be more negative and complain a lot more. While that may be the case in some social situations, our study suggests that in romantic relationships, the partner with low self-esteem will resist solving problems.”
10. Over-preparation
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When people have low self-esteem, they don’t realize how abnormal it is to over-prepare for every event in their life. In their eyes, a little perfectionism never hurt anyone, and they hate the idea of letting those around them down.
For the average person, they can accept that everything they do won’t be perfect, and that as much as they try, over-preparing isn’t always realistic. But instead of giving themselves the same grace, people with low self-esteem won’t let themselves be perceived as lazy.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in psychology covering self-help, relationship, career, family and astrology topics.
