As a little girl, I was always taught not to put on too much weight. My grandmother often told me that it was rude to make things about me. Since it was rude, you could only imagine how she felt about making others uncomfortable or fighting with them even if they were rude to me. Because I want to make everyone feel respected, me constantly apologizing for doing things that I think might be disrespectful. I think I say sorry at least twenty times a day.
These excuses usually make me feel like I don’t respect myself because I care too much about what other people think. I have great admiration for people who don’t care about any of that and refuse to apologize for things that aren’t actually worthy of an apology.
People who don’t seem to care what anyone thinks of them refuse to apologize for these specific things
1. Having the courage to resolve conflicts
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My grandmother taught me that keeping the peace was extremely important. She reasoned that unless conflict was absolutely necessary, you should not engage. Unfortunately, the bar for what qualified as bad enough to start a fight over was extremely high. It made me find myself in a lot of little things that, when added together, made me really sad.
People who value themselves have concerns, even if they are small. If someone keeps making a lot of jokes about you, it can hurt your feelings. A person who feels this way but doesn’t apologize will ask them to stop, even if it leads to conflict.
When dealing with cruel jokes or other bad situations, it is okay to create conflict. People who don’t care what other people think aren’t worried about their friend getting frustrated with them. Even if it makes things a little awkward with their friend, they will prioritize their own happiness.
2. How they dress
I went to a private school where we had to wear uniforms every day. When we had rare non-uniform days, my classmates often wore sweatpants or leggings. I preferred to dress up a bit more than that. Some people told me I was trying too hard, but I wasn’t doing it for them. I did it because that’s how I like to dress.
Many people have unique styles that do not match how their society dresses. When others criticize us for our fashion choices, we may feel insecure and change how we dress. People who don’t care what others think usually don’t make that change.
They probably won’t let themselves feel guilty for wearing something other than the norm. They embrace their style because it is a form of self-expression. This expression shows who they are, and they usually don’t feel the need to apologize for it.
3. Their background
We all have a unique background that has influenced how we see the world. Our backgrounds have a big influence the way we act or dress. It can even affect our personality.
Some people are critical of other people’s backgrounds because they look different from their own. They don’t understand the culture of someone from a different background. This can prevent them from understanding unusual behavior. Some people can be biased enough to think of the other person’s actions as weird.
People who don’t care what others think don’t apologize for where they came from. They understand that it is deeply connected to who they are and how they see the world.
4. Their success
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Some people are smarter than others. They can also be more successful. Those who achieve something their friend wanted to do sometimes feel guilty and worry about making their friend feel insecure, causing them to apologize for their success.
People who don’t care what others think don’t let other people’s perspectives affect them. They trust that they deserve their success and didn’t just get it for nothing.
Successful people may also worry about being criticized for seeming like they are trying too hard. But a person who doesn’t care what other people think unapologetically allows himself to shine. They don’t let other people cover their light because they are insecure.
5. Going home early
You don’t always get to meet your friends at your house. Sometimes you might go out and visit the city for a while. After some time you may start to feel tired. Some people fight through their exhaustion because they don’t want their friends to feel like they don’t care enough to stay and hang out. They may also feel they must stay to support a friend.
When debating whether to go home early, I often feel too guilty about leaving my friends behind in a smaller group. I’m worried they’ll feel awkward and resent me because of it. I stay out because I don’t want them to stop inviting me. However, it is common symptom of peer pressure.
Some people resist that peer pressure and don’t let their negative feelings keep them out longer than they want to be. They probably won’t apologize for leaving early either. They put their own needs first and probably trust that their friends will invite them next time.
6. How they speak
Different places have different expectations of how you should speak. At a football match, you are expected to be loud and cheer for your team. In contrast, you may be expected to speak quietly so that everyone can get their work done.
Some people choose not to do this because they don’t want to apologize for who they are. Changing your speech patterns is one way you can participate in code switching. This means that you act differently in different situations to fit in with the group you are around.
People who change how they speak to fit in can feel disconnected from their identity. They may feel like they are a completely different person in different situations. Maybe they feel like a boisterous extrovert at games, but an awkward introvert at work.
They can avoid this by speaking naturally and ignoring how a given place expects them to speak.
7. Their feelings
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Feeling overdramatic can also lead to many other negative feelings. When we belittle our own feelingswe usually feel invalid and inadequate because we tell ourselves that feeling is false. For example, if we invalidate anxiety when we have a panic attack, we may start to feel even more anxious about being stressed. This can make people feel inadequate because they may wonder why they are unable to deal with that feeling.
Sometimes we feel overdramatic because someone else told us that our problem is not that big of a deal. But people who don’t care about other people’s opinions do not believe this. They validate their own experiences to begin working through it.
8. Their mistakes
We all make mistakes. Some people feel more inclined than others to apologize when they do something wrong. They don’t worry about anyone judging them. They probably don’t let themselves feel guilty for letting others down either. Instead of apologizing, they may try to correct their mistake or prevent it from happening again. It’s human to mess up sometimes.
Most people experience something new every day and do so constantly learn from these situations. It’s a lot to expect someone to get everything right on the first try. People who don’t apologize for their mistakes give themselves grace to try again and keep learning.
Lily Bell is a university student studying English and publications covering relationships, mental health and personal narratives around the human experience.
