I like to walk my dogs in the early evening when the air is cooler and there are few people to run into. It is not that I’m antisocial. I enjoy solitude, exercise and deep thinking.
The dogs are a good lesson in living in the present. Their superior sense of smell and exquisite hearing tells them a lot about the environment. They always know where the rabbits are long before I do, and they can tell the difference between a coyote and what the neighbor’s pug left on the grass.
After making our way through the park and around the waterfall, we cut through the neighborhood on our way home. The many living room windows we pass reveal large flat screen TVs that light up the walls. And almost without fail, most of these televisions are tuned to cable news programs – no wonder we are so divided in the US.
I found peace in my sixties when I gave up three things:
1. Watching cable news
I used to be a news junkie. In addition to my online newspaper subscriptions, I loved flipping through cable news and opinion programs. But over the years, the tone of these shows began to change. The civil discussion gave way to partisan shouting. Networks lost their journalistic integrity and was unashamedly biased.
People choose news networks that align with their politics and fail to see that they are in consensus chambers. Even if you flip back and forth to watch competing networks, the hyperventilating anchors and shouting commentators become unbearable.
At least they did for my wife and me. We had finally had enough and stopped watching cable news. Sometimes when friends were talking about various news and opinion shows, I felt like I was missing something. But I soon realized that all I was missing was endless party talk.
I kept a couple of online newspaper subscriptions, which were all I needed to stay up to date. Unlike the endless hype, commercials and repetitive loops of cable news, my online newspapers take less than an hour to read each morning.
“A good reader or viewer is someone who pays attention to their newspaper or news channel. A good reader or viewer will never waste their hard earned money watching or reading anything. She is serious. She will have to think whether the news she consumes is journalism or sycophancy.” — Ravish Kumar
Yes, sometimes there are breaking news events that the networks cover with great fanfare and urgency. I used to get sucked into these developments and tune in to see the endless coverage and speculation.
But after finishing cable news, I realized what a waste of time this was. Often “breaking news” deserves little more than a few paragraphs in the next morning’s papers.
Cable news and opinion polls is designed to suck you in, just like social media. You put up with the banal, relentless commercials because you can’t wait to see the next breaking segment.
What could you do with the time you spent watching cable news programs? What books could be read, exercise routines completed, or creative passions enjoyed?
When I stopped watching cable news and opinion shows, I suddenly had a lot more time for books, writing, art and photography. My wife and I still enjoy quality movies and TV shows, but cutting out cable news greatly improved our lives.
2. Drink alcohol
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When I was in college, beer was my alcoholic beverage of choice. It was affordable and always went well with pizza. About midway through my law enforcement career, I discovered the joys of good wine. Nothing beats a glass of Silver Oak Cabernet Sauvignon with a steak dinner or a glass of chilled Sauvignon Blanc for a summer pool party.
Later in my law enforcement career, my wife and I moved from wine to craft cocktails. After work it was fun to relax with a few Manhattans.
Sometimes my police buddies would come over and we’d play music and have a little party. It was a lot of fun, except for the times we got carried away and nursed hangovers the next morning.
“After the first glass, you see things as you wish they were. After the second, you see things as they are not. Finally, you see things as they really are, and that is the most terrible thing in the world.” — Oscar Wilde
My father was not a drinker. Despite his German heritage, he did not like beer. He never touched wine. He would give himself a Bourbon and water when visiting friends for Christmas, but that was it.
My mother came from an Irish heritage where drinking is rife. While my mother’s parents were, surprisingly, toddlers, Mom struggled her whole life with the bottle. I have my mother’s blood and the tendency to like alcoholic drinks a little too much.
My law enforcement career showed me firsthand destruction and ruined lives caused by alcoholso I worked hard to limit my consumption. But then I retired and moved to Las Vegas.
My wife and I love the thousands of great restaurants, entertainment, favorable tax climate and almost year-round sunny weather in Las Vegas. But Sin City is a strange place to live for someone who doesn’t gamble and wants to keep a lid on his drinking.
I have friends here who live two blocks away. There are countless fantastic bars. We have backyard pools and it would be easy to fall into a lifestyle of partying with reckless abandon.
And at first I participated in some exuberant get-togethers with friends. They were fun, but I knew I was on a slippery slope. After a few wild parties and hangovers, I decided to stop drinking. Fortunately, it wasn’t very difficult to quit. I didn’t suffer from cravings like some people do. My friends were supportive but no doubt missed my participation.
The result was that I lost weight, slept better, gained focus, exercised more, aand became insanely productive with my creative pursuits. I stopped waiting for goals to be achieved and simply dove in and got them done.
“When you stop drinking, you stop waiting.” – Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A love story
Drinking is a personal choice and when done responsibly, it can be a wonderful escape and way to relax. But choosing not to drink has amazing benefits and for me it has been life changing in a positive way.
3. Comparing myself to other people
When I was a young boy in the late 1970s, my best friend got a new bike for his birthday. It was a great Schwinn bike with a stick shift attached to the top tube of the bike.
At the time I thought it was the coolest bike ever and I was extremely jealous of my friend. Although I had a very nice Schwinn BMX, my bike did not have the cool stick shift.
“Never underestimate the power of jealousy and the power of envy to destroy. Never underestimate it.” —Oliver Stone
I remember being a little tearful and riding my “boring” bike home, avoiding my friend for days. Eventually, I realized that we don’t always get the things we want in life, and with my mother’s encouragement, I started hanging out with my friend again.
A year later, my friend’s father died after a short battle with cancer. During that difficult time, none of us were interested in our bikes anymore. And I realized how lucky I was to still have my father.
There is debate as to who coined the phrase “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Whether it was Teddy Roosevelt, Mark Twain or someone else, I think there is wisdom in the saying.
“When we start comparing ourselves and our possessions to others, we tend to focus on the things we don’t have rather than the things we do have.” — John P. Weiss
With life experience and maturity, I learned to let go of unhealthy comparisons. Unhealthy comparisons are characterized by jealousywhereas healthy comparisons find inspiration in the fine qualities and things possessed by others. Healthy comparisons fuel self-improvement and personal achievement.
I have reached a point in life where I don’t care about other people’s possessions. But I take note of people’s character and creative talents.
When I read an author who moves me deeply, I compare her writing style and techniques to my own to learn where I can improve. When I meet someone who impresses me, I try to identify the qualities that stand out so I can work on those qualities in myself.
In my sixties, I gave up cable news programs, alcoholic beverages, and unhealthy comparisons. As a result, I am healthier, happier and achieve more in my personal and creative life.
What about you? What could you give up that would greatly improve your life? Letting go of unhealthy habits can lead to new dreams. And new dreams can lead to a happier and healthier life.
We all live in a house on fire, no fire department to call; no way out, only the upstairs window to look out of as the fire burns the house down with us trapped, locked inside. — Tennessee Williams, The milky way doesn’t stop here anymore
Most of the time, deep down, we know the things that are bad for us. The things that hold us back. And the longer we refuse to make changes, the more we feel trapped.
Don’t live your life in a house on fire. Jump out of the upstairs window if you have to. You can get hurt, but then the most valuable things in life seem to involve some pain. Give up the things that hold you back. Your dreams await.
John P. Weiss is a writer, visual artist, cartoonist and retired police chief with over 26 years of law enforcement experience.
