Most people are more honest than we think, except for a few “prolific liars”, according to a study from 2022.
The average person maybe Tell a white lie to protect someone’s feelings or to paint themselves in a good light, but pathological liars are more focused on superiority and the pleasure of deception. Although it can be hard to relax the stories and narratives they make up, people who lie say some pretty specific phrases that make them almost immediately easy to spot.
The biggest liars usually say these phrases during casual conversation:
1. ‘Who would even come up with that?’
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When someone lies, they say something like “Who would ever think that?” They pretend to imagine this person as a scandalous and disgusting anomaly, when in reality that person is them.
They gaslight people into believing that they could never be able to make up a story or tell a lie, even when they do it under their breath all the time. They shift focus and deceive people while giving them gas to avoid accountability all the time.
2. ‘You Know Me’
Pathological liars are experts at avoiding questions, usually with some kind of emotional diversion that makes other people feel defensive and insecure. In this case, people who lie a lot turn to phrases like “you know me” to deflect, shift the blame onto other people as justification for their behavior.
Even when these excuses invalidate other people’s pain and sabotage their relationships, they can’t help but point fingers away from themselves. They want people to feel crazy and ashamed because it makes it much easier for them to tell lies that feed their insecure self-esteem.
3. ‘I never said that’
Gaslighting is usually a common form of manipulation meant to make other people feel crazy to call someone or raise a problem. Pathological liars often use it and go back to change the past or their story and use phrases like “I never said that” to create doubt and confusion that works in their best interest.
Given that this kind of chronic lying starts with self-deception in humans, it is not surprising that they are comfortable changing the narrative and lying to cover their tracks. They already accept these new changes as some weird version of the truth internally anyway.
4. ‘It’s not that big of a deal’
Chronic liars can’t help but minimize their lies. Deception is second nature, but taking responsibility is not something they are interested in doing.
Contemplating deception is so taxing on personal health and takes much more energy to keep up with, according to a study from Advances in Cognitive Psychologyit makes pathological liars feel better when they minimize. If they can tell a lie without pushback or make people feel insane for bringing up their bad behavior, they don’t have to take on any extra exhaustion from evading accountability.
5. ‘I didn’t mean that’
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For people who can at least recognize their deceptions and lies, they can still rely on excuses like “I didn’t mean it” to justify their behavior. This is not surprising, given that deception is a cycle that is difficult to break free from.
According to a study from Nature Neurosciencethe more lies someone tells, the easier frequent lying and deception becomes. So even though it becomes a second nature instinct to be untruthful and they mean no harm, most pathological liars can’t take a step back because it just gets easier and easier to lie.
6. ‘It Really Happened’
Consider what pathological liars are known for exaggerate and dramatize their storiesthey constantly double the validity of their lies. “It really happened” and “Who would make that up?” is constantly in their arsenal of phrases because it’s impossible for so many insane things to happen to one person. At least that’s what common sense tells us.
Most of the time, simple exaggerations to create a better story do not damage active relationships, but when someone is outright lying for attention or a better self-imagethat’s when it becomes destructive. We all want to feel valued and important, but lying is rarely the way to create that image, especially if you want to build long-term connections and bonds with people.
7. ‘You Should Thank Me’
Given that deception is often rooted in some form of inadequacy or insecurity internally, so many pathological liars cling to victim mentalities and self-pity. They need to feel more important than they feel they are. They need the attention, pity, admiration and acceptance of others to feel good about themselves.
Although this external approval and attention may give them good feelings for a period of time, a study from the British Journal of Social Psychology argues that telling lies only sabotages personal well-being and self-esteem over time.
8. ‘That’s what I meant to say’
A phrase like “that’s what I meant to say” is often used by chronic liars who get their stories wrong. They have told so many versions of the same stories and used so many lies that it becomes impossible to keep track of everything. So it is somewhat inevitable that at some point they will be called out for inconsistencies.
But if there is anything common about pathological liars at their core is that they stand behind their lies at all costs. They operate from a place of insecurity, so they would rather double down and dig a deeper hole of dishonesty than admit they were seeking attention by being deceitful.
9. ‘Yeah, whatever’
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One of the most common signs of a chronic liar is their tend to appear ultra-quiet when someone calls them out for lying. They may have a flash of anxiety or fear on their face, but most of the time they are cool as a cucumber, accustomed to the nature of playing a role.
Whether it’s “yeah, whatever” or just an eye roll after being called out, someone who is used to lying is probably also used to defending themselves, even if it looks suspicious.
10. ‘How could you ask me?’
Most pathological liars deflect or defend themselves when called out. Even for little white lies and unsuspecting deceptions, when someone calls them out, they immediately flip the script. If they can make someone else feel ashamed or embarrassed, they can prevent them from feeling safe by calling out lies.
From “How Could You Ask Me?” to “it’s like you don’t know me at all,” these liars are used to shifting and deflecting all responsibility onto people close to them.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & politics and gender studies, focusing on psychology, relationships, self-help and human interest stories.
