Humans are wired to read body language:
- We can read people facial expression in 1/10 of a second.
- We form a first impression of someone in 5-7 seconds.
- Stings such as tone and body language carry far more emotional weight than words alone
According to MIT researchpredicts the dynamics of the first 5 minutes of a conversation more than 20% of the potential outcomes. You’ll generally have verbal cues and body language to read when interacting with people, which means your ability to predict outcomes can be even higher.
The problem is that most of what we believe about reading people is probably wrong. It is wrong because we have not learned to read people and our information comes from Law and order rebroadcasts.
Disclaimer: While I have conducted more than 1,000 interviews as a former detective and have a background in psychology, reading people is both an art and a science. It is a skill based on probability and nothing is ever certain.
People who can read someone within minutes usually swear by these tricks:
1. Develop a baseline for a person’s normal behavior
If you talk to someone who won’t look you in the eye and bite their nails, will they deceive? Well, is biting nails and being nervous, normal behavior for them? The answer to that question determines whether it can matter or not.
Every interview and interrogation I did started here. I would try to spend as much time as practical observing them. I watched their mannerisms, demeanor and movements. I would listen to their tone and the tempo of their voice. The more you observe someone, the more it will stand out when they act contrary to their norms. We do this with our partners all the time, and it tells us when something is wrong.
These clues can be subtle. Developing a baseline will allow you to spot deviations. Spotting anomalies can tell you when something is off.
2. Look for clusters of suspicious behavior
Even if you have observed basic behavior of someone, detects a single deviation doesn’t mean much. Any clue or deviation in itself can be a fluke.
When I encountered a potential suspect during one of my routine detective cases, I saw a cluster of behaviors that spelled trouble. I noticed his stiff posture, the look past me, the clenched fist and furrowed brow. That cluster of behavior was a warning sign. The words he used didn’t matter – his body language said a fight was coming.
The practice of looking for clusters of behavior to read people refers to the idea that a single isolated nonverbal signal or action does not necessarily reveal someone’s true feelings or intentions.
3. Pay attention to the quiet person in the room
Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels
During my time as a police officer, I became a detective and got a few promotions. That meant I had to attend meetings – lots of them. The most influential people in these meetings were typically reserved and confident. They were not loud or demanding.
Confident people doesn’t have to be loudand they don’t need to be the center of attention. They usually do not bully or talk over others. Confidence is quiet, whereas uncertainty never shuts up.
You can generally tell who is at or near the top of a given hierarchy by the way other people interact with them. With a little practice, you can begin to see the hierarchy in any meeting or group setting you find yourself in.
4. Listen carefully to the pitch and tempo of another person’s voice
The pitch of the voice is often an indicator of trust. You notice extreme versions of this when someone is nervous about speaking in public and their voice cracks.
Controlling tone fluctuations is challenging as it is often tied to emotion. The tone can be louder and faster when excited, slower and quieter when relaxed, and higher in pitch when anxious or nervous.
Listen to most CEOs speak and notice that their tone can usually be described as pleasant and conversational. Beginners often speak too quickly, as if they are trying to get it over with or don’t want to draw attention to themselves.
5. Be patient when evaluating people
The art of reading people requires patience. It involves taking the time to understand people’s motivations and actions rather than jumping to conclusions. Patience allows for deeper connections and a better understanding of people’s authentic characters.
6. Pay attention to someone’s posture and body language
Posture conveys information like a billboard. Standing tall with shoulders pulled back exudes confidence. Rounding the shoulders and bending forward conveys timidity. Fidgeting and avoiding eye contact also convey timidity or discomfort. Crossed arms can often mean opposition to you or your idea.
A strange one phenomenon known as “mirroring” can occur when people interact. It’s common when you talk to someone who agrees with you and feels connected to you in some way. Mirroring is when you make a movement or change to a certain position. For example, if you cross one leg over the other while sitting, the person mirroring you will do the same a short time later.
This means observing a person’s body position to gain insight into their emotional state, confidence level, and overall disposition. A person’s posture can often reveal underlying emotions such as openness, anxiety or power dynamics without them consciously saying anything.
The benefits of honing your reading skills go far beyond avoiding someone who spells trouble. It can help you negotiate, build stronger relationships and even sharpen your interview skills in your professional life. In your personal life, it can improve your communication with loved ones, anticipate problems, and even help you diffuse problems before they arise.
Joshua Mason is a former police detective and head of public safety turned author. His weekly stories on Medium are dedicated to change, leadership and life lessons.
